"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
