the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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