Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
