The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
