Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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