I'm gonna have a badass scar
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
