He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
