yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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