she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Sorry my hands just texted you
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
