Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I would fuck him just for his dog
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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