fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
