Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
