The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
