I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
