Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
