You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
