There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
