I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
