I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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