Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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