Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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