Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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