New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
