I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
