I murdered the dance floor call the cops
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
