He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
