Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
