The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
