I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
