He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
