I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
sarcasm needs its own font
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
