You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
