The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
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his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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