You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
