Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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