We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
