brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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