p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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