I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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