...so i touched it.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
