can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
