dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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