Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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