i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
