Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
