tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
