This is not my ceiling
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
