end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
