I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
