Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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