I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Sober January is a disaster.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
