grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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