I must be too annoying 4 u.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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