Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
