So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
