No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
