I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
