U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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