i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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