her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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