I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
