Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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