in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
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He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
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Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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