Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
