I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
