Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
