my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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