Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm bleeding and have questions
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
