I think i sorta joined a cult last night
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
