I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
That accounts for only three of the penises
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
