so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
